The Jesus Prayer

(written by Chance Williamson)

In 2004 I didn't understand prayer anymore. In fact, my whole spiritual life was being uprooted and reconfigured. To make a long story short however, I'll keep this story to prayer. Like everything, I could no longer continue doing things as I had always done them. In the Christian tradition I came from prayer was something you did in two ways. The first was alone in seclusion, however there was no room for contemplation. It seemed as if the more words you said made you more holy. Almost like you had to complete a 4,000-word prayer so you could get an A plus in God's grade book. The second way to pray was in community. At first it would seem normal. One person would stand up and begin to pray. Normal. But then, a cacophony of voices would join in with their own personal prayers. A jumble, a mess with no thought or direction. Sure, a topic would be stated but like a good hiking trail, we would always veer off and each would trudge our own path. The more you said, the louder you said it, the more holy you were. That's the way it was.

After Bible College I stumbled upon a simple prayer, the Jesus Prayer. "Lord Jesus son of God, have mercy on me a sinner." It is a mantra. It follows your pattern of breath. When you inhale you recite in your mind, "Lord Jesus son of God." When you exhale you say, "Have mercy on me a sinner."

"Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner." This is the prayer I pray; the Prayer of the Saints of old, those beautiful and ragtag few who have gone before me, all praying, screaming the same mantra, joining with me in a chorus of praise and need. In one breath, I call on my savior, my Lover, hailing him as King and Lord of my life. As I exhale I am reminded, as it is always ever present on my mind, of how much I need Him.

Oh, what a wretched man I am! Paul coined that phrase but it seems that I have bought the rights. I sit, praying, hoping, knowing that God sees through my cloud of guilt and shame, but I still want to beat my chest. As the tears flow His grace once again washes over me. Oh what a beautiful sweet grace.

Why can't we understand this grace we speak of so much? We are a church of imperfect people pretending perfection. This lie of perfection, this facade, is waning. It is the junkyard dog nipping at our heals. I pray the dog does catch us. When it does, it will rip and tear, true, but what it rips and tears will only be that which needs to be stripped off anyway, our self righteousness. My self-righteousness is killing me.

Until we as the church realize our own imperfection can we operate as only Jesus foresaw. A Church of prostitutes, derelicts, tax collectors, homeless, diseased, terrorists, homosexuals, liars, and thieves all saved by the Grace of God that I am wrestling with right now. What irony this is. We spend our time trying to be good enough and Jesus is simply saying, "Stop trying, you're just spinning your wheels. Let me lead you. We are wild, crazy, and messed up, but I wouldn't have it any other way!"

In this I find my comfort. So let me simply end where I began. "Lord Jesus, Son of God, Have mercy on me a sinner."

Pete Rollins at Journey, 11/16

Pete Rollins, author of "How (Not)to Speak of God" and "The Fidelity of Betrayal," will speak at our Sunday gathering on November 16. We've gone through both of his books at Pub Theology and are looking forward to engaging him and his ideas. In addition to being an author, Pete is part of the faith collective Ikon. You can find additional information about Pete here. We would love for you to join us (and invite your friends)for what is sure to be a great evening of conversation!

Prayer of a Refugee

Someone needs to teach me how to pray.

Last Sunday's prayer gathering was one of the most calming experiences I've had at church in a long time. I don't know if it was because I'd spent the previous weekend in nature, or because of the low lights and soothing music, but I felt deeply quiet when I left the service.

But I still don't think I know how to pray.

I went around to many of the prayer stations, and was interested in all the focusing activities I had never thought of trying. I think the labyrinth might be a great fit for me—all the winding and curving but in a purposeful way—or maybe the exercise of gathering and spilling water into a bowl. I spent much of the service meditating about the idea of prayer, rather than doing any kind of actual praying.

There's this hole in me when I think of praying. For much of my adult life, the concept of prayer has evaded me. I just never could find a connection when praying. And I have always felt that way, especially, about praying with other people. The difficulties in my life over the past few years have only exaggerated those feelings.

Or maybe they haven't. Maybe the tough things in my life have made me more ready for prayer.

At this point, there is nothing but a void in my heart when I approach God. There's no liturgy or ritual left, no formula for my faith. And maybe that's the best place to start a prayer life. In the gap, in the fear.

I recently purchased some prayer beads because of a friend. They have been helpful to me on one level, providing a physical connection for this internal activity. I just sit with the beads sometimes, occasionally repeating a comforting Bible verse, occasionally not. I'm guessing this is the moment that some nice Christian will say something about "the spirit interceding for us with groans we don't understand." And of course I hope this is true. But is it? And is this how the experience will always be for me—unformed, primal?

What is prayer? What is it for? How do I do it in a way that is both honoring to God and substantial for me?

The hope that I have is that although I am completely lost on this matter, I keep coming back and trying it. I have no idea why I do this, considering how easy it would be not to. I certainly don't feel obligated any more. But there is something in me that wants to pray. Not in the lots-of-words kind of praying, but in the here-I-am-Lord-now-what? kind of way.

But, really... now what? I just keep following that gut feeling in me, hoping it will lead somewhere. But at this point it's still just a feeling.
-Laura Baker

Online Prayer Sites

Over the next four weeks as we explore prayer, we encourage everyone to branch out and try something new. To that end, here are a few of our favorite online prayer sites for you.

An interactive online labyrinth can be found here.

A meditative prayer site run by the Jesuits is here.

Guided prayer using Anglican prayer beads is here.

And lastly, here is a daily prayer devotional that includes moving our prayers into action.

If we've left off one of your favorites, leave it in the comments section for others to see.

Journey to Host Charity Poker This Friday...

Date: This Friday, October 10th
Time: 7:30 p.m.
Buy-in: $10 (one-time option to re-join for an additional $5)

JOURNEY POKER TOURNAMENT:

All funds raised will go toward the Journey Benevolence Fund, which assists community members with urgent financial needs.
Tournament winner will receive prize package including restaurant gift cards and other prizes. "Losers" will enjoy the Loser's Lounge, with other games and a raffle for many prizes.

All ages welcome, and childcare will be provided.

Special prize for the first 10 people in the door and registered!

For more info, email one of our Leaders.

Invite your friends and family!

*Journey is located at 13154 Coit Rd. Suite 101, Dallas TX, 75240