In a Place of Waiting
Written By Scott Childress...
This Lenten season is very personal for me - and the ideas of journeying, geography, movement and change hit even closer with what I have experienced in the past year.
In May of 2008 the church that I had pastored for seven years dissolved. We moved from our home of 13 years in Virginia and came out to Dallas sight unseen. We have no family here, no deep friendships and (at the time of the move) no job.
Since coming here it has been a roller coaster of situations and emotions. The spiritual upheaval (that I had thought I had worked past) started all over again and I began questioning even my questions. Some mornings I woke up an atheist and would go to bed a believer - sometimes the other way around.
And then - long-ignored marriage issues began to surface. In some ways the pressures of being a pastor, along with the insane expectations of the congregation, had helped us to continue this charade of happiness. But eventually the truth finds you, doesn't it?
We are now both in therapy, trying to re-learn what it means to be a husband and a wife. I want to tell you everything is going to work out fine, and I hope it does. I just wish that I could have dealt with one issue at a time, instead of trying to figure out where I am with God, the world AND my wife.
I feel like I am IN Lent right now...I am IN this place of waiting (and suffering to some degree).
I realize these feelings aren't unusual. I think that many of the folks who attend Journey have experienced the disorientation that can come from major shifts in world-view and perspective, and while I think this is a common theme that brings us together, I think that most of us have had this sense that something was never quite right all along. It was as if there was always something slightly "off" about what we had been told was true.
So maybe that's the point of this post.
I hope I don't come across as self-absorbed. I also hope you don't read this and feel uncomfortable at the honesty. I hope that you DO feel a little less alone. We are all in this together.
And Easter Sunday is coming.
This Lenten season is very personal for me - and the ideas of journeying, geography, movement and change hit even closer with what I have experienced in the past year.
In May of 2008 the church that I had pastored for seven years dissolved. We moved from our home of 13 years in Virginia and came out to Dallas sight unseen. We have no family here, no deep friendships and (at the time of the move) no job.
Since coming here it has been a roller coaster of situations and emotions. The spiritual upheaval (that I had thought I had worked past) started all over again and I began questioning even my questions. Some mornings I woke up an atheist and would go to bed a believer - sometimes the other way around.
And then - long-ignored marriage issues began to surface. In some ways the pressures of being a pastor, along with the insane expectations of the congregation, had helped us to continue this charade of happiness. But eventually the truth finds you, doesn't it?
We are now both in therapy, trying to re-learn what it means to be a husband and a wife. I want to tell you everything is going to work out fine, and I hope it does. I just wish that I could have dealt with one issue at a time, instead of trying to figure out where I am with God, the world AND my wife.
I feel like I am IN Lent right now...I am IN this place of waiting (and suffering to some degree).
I realize these feelings aren't unusual. I think that many of the folks who attend Journey have experienced the disorientation that can come from major shifts in world-view and perspective, and while I think this is a common theme that brings us together, I think that most of us have had this sense that something was never quite right all along. It was as if there was always something slightly "off" about what we had been told was true.
So maybe that's the point of this post.
I hope I don't come across as self-absorbed. I also hope you don't read this and feel uncomfortable at the honesty. I hope that you DO feel a little less alone. We are all in this together.
And Easter Sunday is coming.
posted by Dale at 10:46 AM
3 Comments:
I hope you will share again. Spiritually evoking to read your story. May God's freeing grace burst into your life and marriage.
Thanks for sharing. Personally the only thing I think god wants from us is us...the real us...not the pretend. It's so easy to put on masks and think the approval you get from people is approval from God. I hear God the clearest when I'm honest. Really appreciate you. Keep it real.
Really appreciate you sharing. I think all God wants is for us to be real. I don't think we can really connect with Him unless we are willing to face the questions that seemingly have no answers. We're just not being honest otherwise. I feel like I hear God most clearly when I'm the most honest with myself.
Jer 29:11-13 are a great comfort to me when I'm confused I just feel like God keeps saying keep pressing in to know me.
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